The Art of Fierce Love: Balancing Independence and Connection

In this new year, it is thoroughly important to find the right touch of Balance; and from where I see it, it's in the wholesomeness of fierce love. My First article of 2025, I want to talk about a tension many of us feel but rarely articulate: the pull between independence and connection—and how love, in its fiercest and most beautiful form, can be the bridge between the two.

As a fiercely independent person and a devoted mother, I live this tension every day.

Independence has always been my armor. It's my sense of self, my drive to pursue my dreams, my refusal to let anyone or anything define me. And yet, connection—especially with my family—is my heartbeat. It's the warmth that grounds me, the bonds that remind me of who I am at my core. Balancing these two forces can feel like walking a tightrope, where every step challenges you to hold onto your identity while giving your heart fully to the people you love. 

The Paradox of Fierce Love

Let me start by unpacking what I mean by "fierce love." It’s not the gentle, passive kind of love we often see romanticized. Fierce love is bold, intentional, and at times, uncomfortable. It’s the love that says, "I see you, I value you, and I’m willing to fight for us." But it also says, "I see myself, I value myself, and I won’t lose me in loving you."

And here lies the paradox: To love others fiercely, we must also fiercely protect our sense of self. Without independence, love can feel suffocating. Without connection, independence can feel hollow. How, then, do we navigate this dance?

Lesson 1: Redefine Strength

For years, I thought strength meant self-reliance—not needing anyone, standing tall no matter what. But I’ve learned that true strength lies in vulnerability. It’s being brave enough to say, "I need you" without losing the "me" in the process.

As a mother, I’ve had to embrace this lesson time and again. There are days when my kids need all of me—my energy, my attention, my heart. But to give them my best, I’ve learned that I have to set boundaries, take time for myself, and model what self-respect looks like. Strength isn’t about being everything for everyone; it’s about knowing when to pause and refuel so you can show up fully.

Lesson 2: Embrace the Power of "No"

Love often tempts us to say yes to everything. Yes to every request, yes to every demand, yes to every moment of connection. But here’s the truth: Every "yes" to someone else is a "no" to something else—often ourselves.

Learning to say "no" has been one of the hardest yet most liberating lessons of my life. It’s not just about setting boundaries; it’s about honoring my values. When I say "no" to things that don’t align with who I am, I create space for the things that truly matter. And that, in turn, makes the love I give more intentional and impactful.

Lesson 3: Love is a Verb

Fierce love isn’t just a feeling; it’s an action. It’s choosing to show up, even when it’s inconvenient. It’s listening deeply, even when you’re tired. It’s saying, "I’m here," even when you’re scared. But—and this is crucial—it’s also about showing up for yourself.

For me, this has meant carving out time for the things that light me up: my work as a coach, my creative pursuits, my adventures. It’s meant reminding myself that I’m not just a mother, a partner, or a coach—I’m a whole person with dreams and passions that deserve nurturing.

Lesson 4: Let Go of Perfection

One of the greatest barriers to balancing independence and connection is the myth of perfection. We think we have to be perfect parents, perfect partners, perfect professionals. But perfection is a lie that keeps us trapped.

When I let go of the need to "do it all," I found freedom. Freedom to make mistakes. Freedom to ask for help. Freedom to say, "I’m doing my best, and that’s enough."

The Heart of the Balance

So how do we truly balance independence and connection? Here’s what I’ve learned: It’s not about splitting yourself into two halves. It’s about integration. It’s about weaving your independence into your connections so that they strengthen, rather than compete with, each other.

When I honor my independence, I become a better mother, a better partner, a better friend. And when I nurture my connections, I become more grounded, more fulfilled, more whole. The two are not enemies; they are allies.

Fierce love is not about choosing between independence and connection. It’s about choosing both—and choosing them fiercely. It’s about loving others without losing yourself, and loving yourself without closing yourself off to others.

So, the next time you feel the tension between independence and connection, don’t see it as a struggle. See it as an invitation. An invitation to step into the art of fierce love, where the strongest bonds are built not by losing yourself, but by showing up as your truest self.